


Revenge

by Illuminahsti



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Gen, M/M, Not exactly slash, burial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-09 20:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1150620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illuminahsti/pseuds/Illuminahsti
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo and Hakkai talk about their past and revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revenge

Gojyo never used to have nightmares, managed not to think about his past. But he began to realize, as the nightmares seeped back in, that there was a direct correlation between his drinking and his memories. Because when he came home drunk, he didn’t have the energy to dream, or do anything but pass out. And there was a similar direct correlation between his drinking and the amount of time he was spending with Hakkai, because when he spent the night playing cards with his friend, it didn’t even occur to him to drink.   
But when he woke up sweating in the middle of the night, Hakkai never seemed to mind. Instead, he would sooth Gojyo, whisper comforting things, smooth his hair, and Gojyo found he didn’t mind the touch at all, found it softer than those of the women he brought home (used to bring home).   
One night he woke up, realizing tears were on his face, and moved closer to Hakkai, who pulled his head on to his lap, whispering. “You aren’t worthless.” He told Gojyo over and over. “Don’t be sorry.”   
But Gojyo looked up at Hakkai and saw no warmth in his eyes. “Kai?” He asked, not wanting to know what the youkai was thinking, but unable to stop the curiosity. Sure that Hakkai had gotten fed up with Gojyo’s tears (Hakkai’s story was so raw, the scar not even healed). “What are you thinking about?”   
“I’m am thinking...” Hakkai’s voice was so cold and even, Gojyo wanted to pull away. “About how much I wish I had gotten the chance to kill your mother myself.”   
It took Gojyo several minutes to realize that Hakkai, in his own way, was saying how much he cared about Gojyo, and then he shook his head. “It wasn’t her fault. She was sick, she couldn’t help it.”   
“There is never,” Hakkai said slowly, “an excuse for turning on your own family.”   
“I wasn’t really her family, even, she just got stuck with -”  
“And there is never an excuse for the death of a child.”   
And Gojyo cut off his rebuttals, realizing that Hakkai was thinking of his own family just as much, and realizing then that he couldn’t be mad at Hakkai, not really, not for this. Not when he hated Kanan so much it choked him sometimes. When Hakkai sat and watched the rain pour down and didn’t speak and remembered a woman he had loved, who had abandoned him so harshly. Because if Gojyo had a man like Hakkai, someone that loyal, someone who would move heaven and earth to save him, he would have done everything in his power to survive. And when he thought about how Hakkai must have felt, watching the woman he loved bleed to death on his own knife, within arms reach, Gojyo wanted to strangle the bitch himself.   
So he just nodded, throat tight, and rolled off Hakkai, pulled his head onto his chest, and whispered, softly, “Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's a sad thought, sometimes, how closely Gojyo's childhood could have lined up with Kanan's child, had she lived. It's interesting to speculate, really, and may warrant it's own analysis.


End file.
